There’s no doubt about it, some people are body dysmorphic - they have no idea what they really look like when wearing the most unflattering and revealing of clothes in the street. Just because these outfits look good on the catwalks, in the glossy adverts and on hot, half naked guys where, to be honest, the clothes are the last thing we all look at, it doesn’t mean they’ll look equally gorgeous on your body.

We’ve all seen nightmare visions of bottoms as big as a sack of King Edwards shoehorned into tight pants or jeans. Hipsters, for instance, may have been designed and tested on stick insect type models, but on guys prone to eating a square meal they can be a painful sight for the innocent bystander.

After the excesses of Christmas and New Year such sartorial mistakes will appear even more pushed to the limits. Even people who are more self-aware about which clothes suit their shape and size, many folk can still be clueless when it comes to underwear.

Some of the sexiest people around can often be found guilty of cavorting in tacky passion killers. Let’s face it, the last thing any self respecting gay guy wants to do is to cause hysterics in the bedroom.

But hopefully this little shoppers guide to underwear may be a helpful reminder about what looks good wrapped around your tush, or conversely, a natural disaster zone beyond salvaging!

G-String Disasters
The first rule of thumb is that if you’re over 30 and prone to peanut butter sarnies, then it isn’t a good idea to show off your tackle in a pouch or G-string. The only way to get away with the kind of undergarments David Beckham wears for Victoria B, is to have a stomach as flat as an iron board and buns as solid as ostrich eggs. So a diet and a trip to Esporta is required. Otherwise choose something less ‘constricting’.
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Y And T Combinations
A combination of natty vests by Calvin Klein or D&G perfectly compliments a pair of jocks or Y-fronts, streamlining the body into a more attractive package. The D&G Athletic Sportswear Jockstrap is designed for sporty activity - but who’s to say that this attractive tackle holder can’t be worn for any occasion? If you prefer trunks, then the D&G Athletic Boxers are equally eye catching and ideal for visiting the gym.
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Textured Brief
Perhaps it’s time to throw away those comfy boxers you first bought when Nick Kamen advertised them in the 80’s and move onto something a little more flash? A reasonably flat belly – as long as you can see your willy when looking down - is a necessity when wearing contour clinging briefs that look wonderfully sexy, especially on a well rounded butt. If you also happen to have a pair of strapping thighs then this kind of clinging underwear will accentuate your manly assets! So have a gander at the Calvin Klein Seamless Textured Brief, which is undoubtedly a snug fit but a surprisingly comfortable wear with its elasticated waistband.
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A Vested Interest
American Tank Tops, similar to T-shirt vests, are a natty way of disguising a multitude of sins. These tops are also multi functional, looking good both in and out of bed and even as street-attire in the summer. Very West Side Story!
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Before you all get too carried away, let’s have a reminder of some ghastly apparitions that might not be such a great idea if your body is more, shall we say, ‘cuddly’ than gym toned or sinewy.

Put ‘Em Back On!
It’s not just the shape of sexless shorts that can do you an injustice but also the choice of colour and print. There’s no doubt that this pair of standard boxers looks more ‘naff’ because of the skin draining hues and unflattering waistband. Can you believe this is actually produced by Levi?
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Faux Fur
This startling creation is labelled ‘faux fur’ by the makers, but they should really add the label faux pas! A passion killer if ever there was one. We can only assume it is something to be worn as a bet or at a fancy dress party. Even Brad Pitt’s sex appeal would take a battering in this outfit. Worse, of course, is if Ellie’s trunk happened to be more impressive than your own!
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Blow, Gabriel Blow
You have to be careful with this get up. On a fit, taut body it could almost look alluring - but on anything less fit than an Olympic sprinter, pouches of this ilk could make you appear more Ray Winstone in Sexy Beast than a beach Adonis. Is the whistle for the wearer or some other admirer on their knees, we wonder?
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All Trussed Up And Nowhere To Go
As for these Lace Up Butt Fitted Boxers, they may have their use in the bedroom but it takes one hell of a confident dude to get away with these while strutting the beach. More Ann Summers than D&G we think! Then again, the pictured model could actually be wearing them the wrong way round!
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Stylish And Sexy
On a more subtle and stylish territory you can’t go wrong with ABC Underwear’s Unico Classic Brief. This is the kind of garment that can look good on most body shapes - especially if you have a tan.
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Ultimate Comfort
But for ultimate comfort – that’s what is says on the label - ABC have come up with the Jocko Roman Square Cut. Now this little number may look as tight as a pair of Spandex shorts on Kylie, but the makers assure “breath ability” and the feeling that you’re not even wearing them! Must have something to do with the fact that it’s made from a mixture of microfiber and nylon.
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X-Tra Comfort
In fact ABC have thought of every market going, even for men of XL proportions. So if it’s extra comfort you want and you’re not too fussed about attracting fans in the locker room, then you could always plump for Hane’s Big Men’s Briefs. 100% cotton, pre-shrunk, with a comfort weave waistband which keeps its shape, even if you don’t. Could you ask for more?
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What are your favourite briefs - or do you prefer to go commando!? Tell us about your underwear fetishes by contacting us on feedback@gaydarnation.com or leave your thoughts on the message boards.