SEX WITH FIRST TIMERS

There's a first time for everything...and everyone. Losing one's male/male virginity can be hot fun for a fellow, be he a gay young man who's never done the deed, or a middle-aged bi guy giving in to his curiosity. And having sex with that first-timer can be equally as heated.

"I met this younger guy who wanted to try sucking dick," says a middle-aged man. "He was hesitant at first, which excited me. But once we cuddled for a while and I convinced him to take his clothes off, he really got into it. Though he might not have been a technically great cocksucker, his enthusiasm more than made up for that."

The very male impulse to bust somebody's cherry may be somewhat ignoble, but at the same time, it can be sweet to want to help a guy explore. One online cruiser says, "I love to answer the ads of guys who want to try out sex with another man. It's great to open them up to new experiences. And if that means fucking them for the first time ever, well, I can totally enjoy that. I admit it: It gives me a slightly sleazy sense of conquest. And, of course, there's a greater chance a first-timer will think I'm great sex, since he has nothing to compare me to."

"I just take control, and, unless a guy gets weird or tells me to stop, I'll do just what I want to do. I figure if I'm too considerate, the scene won't be hot for either of us."

Of course, nookie with a newbie may not always be an unalloyed joy. There are virgins with inflated expectations who demand that simply everything go their way. Continues our online cruiser, "Some of the potentially queer guys who describe themselves as 'curious' just want somebody to very precisely act out their jack-off fantasies. I don't mind doing that if I get off as well, but some boys are so damn self-absorbed that I feel like telling them to go hire a hustler."

Having sex with a first-timer can demand establishing trust, helping him overcome nervousness, and settling on boundaries. Says one really nice fellow in an open relationship, "When I search out casual sex, I generally prefer experienced men a bit older than me. But I met this younger man at a bar, and after we'd gone back to his place and played, he thanked me for being 'nurturing.' That made me feel really good." He pauses and smiles wryly. "He never called me back for a second date, though."

It's not always good to be so sweet, though, at least according to one fairly dominant top. "Many inexperienced men really have no idea of what they'll enjoy or how to do it," he says. "So I'll just take control, and, unless a guy gets weird or tells me to stop, I'll do just what I want to do. I figure if I'm too considerate, the scene won't be hot for either of us."

If you make a habit of seeking out virgins, better be prepared for some interesting, exciting, maybe frustrating times. But even if you're not a serial deflowerer - only someone faced with fooling around with a first-timer - there are tips that can make that premiere encounter go more smoothly. Find out just what your prospective partner wants, and what he will and won't do. You might explicitly suggest he let go of expectations and just enjoy the moment - which is good advice for you, too. Pre-negotiate safe sex. And if your new pal seems really young, an ID check is wise.

"There's a greater chance a first-timer will think I'm great sex, since he has nothing to compare me to."

Is your would-be homo hesitating? Being patient may be a pain in the ass, but itis a virtue. A little persuasion can get you into a guy's pants, but limits are limits. "It's only natural for a newbie to be nervous," points out our online cruiser, "and shyness can even be a turn-on. Up to a point." Once you actually start playing, you, as well as your dewy-fresh playmate, should be careful not to let your preconceptions get in the way of what's actually happening. And if things don't work out, well, that's the way it goes.

Regardless of what transpires, it might be sweet, even saintly, to contact your first-timer the next day to check in, debrief, and maybe set up a second time.

And keep in mind that some fellows get off on purveying false fantasies of innocence. As the guy in the open relationship says, "When I told my partner about being the younger man's first gay sex, he replied, 'Sure. I bet that he says that to all the guys.' And hey, maybe he does."

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