Mikaya Heart is the author of My Sweet Wild Dance, the remarkable story of an extraordinary Scotswoman who, after struggling against the confines of class and gender, faces her fears and finds love.

We spoke to Mikaya Heart about the book, the writing process, coming out as a lesbian in the 70s and changing the world, and being in the running for the Lambda Literary Awards.

So tell us a bit about My Sweet Wild Dance - what can readers expect?
It’s very difficult to summarise, because it is an unusual book. It’s about aspects of my own life, so the first part is set in Scotland, where I grew up. It’s about searching for truth in an environment where lies were the norm.

It’s an adventure story, because my life is and has been adventurous. It’s a story about growing up and healing from the damage that is done to us as children. It’s about finding myself, and a major part of that was certainly coming out. It’s about waking up to who I really am, and working out what this human life is for.

I have occasionally called it a spiritual journey, but it’s not spiritual in any way that most so-called spiritual people will relate to, and it certainly isn’t religious. It’s about escaping from the box that I was meant to fit into, escaping from any and all boxes.

I didn’t call it my memoir, because it has a fairly specific message (about dancing my own sweet wild dance), and if I had just wanted to write about my life, I would have put in many more of my adventures. For instance, I’ve been held up at gunpoint six times in my life, and none of those are described in My Sweet Wild Dance.

Where did you find the original impulse to write the book?
I started writing it initially nearly 20 years ago, because I needed to voice the changes I was going through. It was really a saga of my healing then, and it was all about sex, interestingly enough! Sex has been a tremendously healing tool for me over the years. This final version doesn’t have so much explicit sex in it.

"It’s about finding myself, and a major part of that was certainly coming out. It’s about waking up to who I really am, and working out what this human life is for."

Are there any particular scenes or moments in the book that resonate with you in a special way?
Oh – certainly – but how can I choose which ones? Some of them are old stuff and I’m done with them. Perhaps the parts I enjoy the most when I re-read it are those parts where I suddenly had a huge eye-opener. Or when I stepped into myself completely and lost all concern for how I was being perceived from an external point of view, like the time when I ordered my father to shut up. Or meeting myself in the mirror, which was an extraordinary experience with huge ramifications. Or the parts about learning to kitesurf, because that was so exciting and life-affirming.
 
Was it a difficult book to write in any way?
Yes, the most difficult one I have written. I was so emotionally involved that it was often very hard to keep my distance enough to know what sections were appropriate, and what should be deleted, or changed in some way. I kept being pulled into old feelings and memories. That is partly why I had to write it – I needed to lay that old stuff to rest.

It was important to me to write this book as truthfully as I could - given that one person’s personal truth could be another person’s lies. Sometimes just changing a word here or there made it more truthful to me. I didn’t want it to come out as one big long complaint, and I didn’t want it to be accusatory. Getting the right balance of light and dark required a certain amount of care in the writing.

What was the publishing process like for you?
Mostly a drag. It’s self-published, and I’m not enough of a sales-woman for self-publishing. I have had seven finished books on my computer for several years now, and I needed to do something with them – make them available to the public, that is — so that’s why I decided to get three of them in print. This is the second. In 1998 I had a book (When the Earth Moves: Women and Orgasm) published by Celestial Arts, a publishing company in Berkeley, and that was a pleasure.  I would really like to have my other books picked up by a good publisher.

The book's in the running for the Lambda Literary Awards - what does this mean to you?
I would love to win a Lammy. It would mean so much to me to get public acknowledgment of my writing. I don’t write for myself, I write because I want to share thoughts and ideas that start as a little germ of something demanding to be developed.

I have tried to stop writing, but when those thoughts and ideas build up inside my head, they stop me sleeping at night. They want a voice, and I am happy to give them a voice; but is the rest of the world interested in that voice? Winning a Lammy would say yes, and that would make me very very happy. I could carry on writing knowing that it’s useful to the world, or at least to some of the people in the world.

Do you think that there is still a need for conscious efforts to be made to support lesbian writers and artists?
I am very out of touch with the mainstream - I don’t watch TV or read newspapers much because I find most of the opinions and ideas expressed by the mainstream too bizarre. So I don’t really know what the mainstream thinks about lesbians.

On the other hand, shows like The L Word don’t portray the lesbians I know, so there is a need for some truthful portrayal. Moreover, there are many amazing stories from the 70s, when a wave of radical thinking known as feminism swept through the western world. Those of us who came out as lesbians at that time really lived on the edge. We changed the world. Our stories need to be told, and because we still make the mainstream a little nervous (30 years later!), we could do with support.

"There are many amazing stories from the 70s...Those of us who came out as lesbians at that time really lived on the edge. We changed the world. Our stories need to be told."

So, what's been one of your biggest life lessons?
Omigod. Which one would you like me to talk about? In this book, I tell a story about my lover saying to me, “You know, I’m not your enemy.” I was ready to hear that then, and it changed my perception of the world as a dangerous place, to one of the world as a place where most people want to be my friend, where I can live cooperatively, not competitively. That was a huge shift in my thinking.

My intimate relationships have been my greatest teaching tool, especially my relationship with a woman I have referred to in the book as Jo. She really helped me to be myself, truthfully. I learned from her that we are not here to please others, only ourselves. That sounds egocentric, and perhaps everyone shouldn’t operate from that premise! But one of my greatest joys comes from helping others, so it works for me.

What I really mean is that there is no formula for how to be in the world. I have to do what feels good and right to me. And preferably not confuse that sense of right-ness with the illusion of security, which often involves approval from others.

Travelling alone in different countries has taught me a lot – mostly about how to relate to different kinds of people, because when you are travelling alone you have to do that constantly.

The person who gave me my biggest life lesson is my father. From a very young age, I promised myself that I wouldn’t grow up to be like him. He influenced me profoundly. Not a fun lesson, but a very powerful one – without him, I would not have learned what compassion means.

The extraordinary and rather frightening fact that I realised recently is that everyone, including my father, is doing her/his best.

What makes you happy?
Being alone in nature, when I feel the joy of life running through my blood and bones. Seeing how many other people are beginning to appreciate the joy of life.  And kitesurfing, of course. Kitesurfing keeps me sane.

What makes you angry?
Bullshit. There is a regrettable amount of it around. I work at hard at not reacting to it.

Where is your favourite place in the world?
It’s a contest between Hawaii, which is very exciting and beautiful, and north-west California, which is very beautiful place and very accepting of people who are different. That’s made it a great place for me to live. Also, there is a lot of good stuff going on the San Francisco Bay Area. I recently became addicted to partner dancing (salsa, waltz, two step, tango – that kind of thing), and there is a wonderful woman in the Bay Area who teaches same-sex classes. (Thank you, Zoe!)

Maybe Alaska, with its endless silent wilderness, and the deserts of Jordan are in the running too. I spent some time around Wadi Rum (in Jordan), and those gorgeous sculpted cliffs sang to me. It was awesome. There are plenty of other places, like Scotland, that I need to visit regularly because the land calls to me.

I prefer places where I can get away completely on my own, which excludes most of Europe – and besides, it’s expensive. These days, I mostly follow the wind and the warm weather. Right now I am camping on the beach in southern Texas, of all places! I do volunteer work for a sea turtle rescue centre on the days when there isn’t enough wind to go kitesurfing.

"You can all dance your very own sweet wild dance. I’m not saying it’s easy, but ultimately it is the most rewarding practice in the world. It doesn’t matter how many people say you can’t. In the end, that’s their stuff."

So, what do you hope readers take away with them after reading My Sweet Wild Dance?
I’d like everyone to know that you can all dance your very own sweet wild dance. I’m not saying it’s easy, but ultimately it is the most rewarding practice in the world. It doesn’t matter how many people say you can’t. In the end, that’s their stuff.

The press release for this book says: “The path that Mikaya Heart has forged through the jungle of life is an inspiration to anyone looking for the true meaning of love in our changing world.” I want that to be true.

What's next for you?
In terms of books? My next book will be about my travels in Thailand and Indonesia. The one after that might be a collection of my adventures - all those times I was held at gunpoint, the time my car got stuck in the middle of a crocodile infested river, the time I walked over hot lava, and so on. Or perhaps it will be my version of life as a lesbian in the 70s.

What else would you like to say?
I used to be a very angry person. I did what I needed to do to stop being angry because I didn’t like it. Many people don’t recognise their anger, or identify it only as a vague dissatisfaction. Whichever way it is for you, I want you all to know it is very important to listen to what this feeling is telling you, and do what you need to do to change your life so that you are able to feel at peace. Just trying not to feel uncomfortable doesn’t work.

In the end, you simply make an absolute commitment to live differently. (Or not.) Making that decision was the most important thing I ever did, and it precipitated huge changes externally in my life.

If you are choosing that journey of transformation, then I hope you know that I’m rooting for you.

My Sweet Wild Dance, by Mikaya Heart
Published by: Dog Ear Publishing
Released: September 2009
ISBN: 1608440702

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